It’s been a week since the fire. Last Saturday I woke to a birthday breakfast of blueberry pancakes, chai and a fruit smoothie. Today Edge woke me just before he slipped out at 6:30 am to borrow some tools for the day. After he left I laid in bed and watched the light slowly shift as the sun rose, thinking of the Rumi quote I read the other day:
Is not impermanence the very fragrance of our days?
This past week has felt so long for Edge and me as we move with both exhaustion and determination, trying to keep track of all the to-dos and make sure we do them. I don’t feel the same overwhelming stress that I had before the fire, though. Before the fire, I had been missing the space to write, the space to take a few moments to myself and breathe, and I let little things pile up into stress. I have a new perspective now, and though I feel subdued, I also feel thankful. I have my life, the lives of Edge, our dogs Nobee and Pebble, and this little baby growing inside me. Somehow, this fire has propelled me away from stress and I have come upon a slow and steady energy that seems to carry me through the days. Though there is much work to do and many things still to figure out, we are here together, and this amazing community has risen to help us. It is very humbling.
Twice this week, I have stumbled upon messages of impermanence. I believe these things come just when we need them, and so I am listening. Were it not for impermanence, Edge I would not have the opportunity to transform this land into a farm and home. Were it not for impermanence, we would not be able to grow old together. And yes, if it were not for impermanence, we would not have experienced this fire, either, but I will take it if it means we can have the seasons change each year, smell the mud of spring after the winter snows melt, and feel the heat of summer as we harvest from the garden and move the sheep through pasture.
Today we had our first of many work days, and a handful of friends came over to help work on our seed house. We are hoping to have it running in a week. Thank you Tom, Matt, Faeterri, Mike, Carly, Jeremiah, and Jonah for all your help, and thank you to my parents who fed us all today, and thank you to all who have donated so far and sent so much positivity our way.